Carraque Widows

Being a Single Mother....

2010-01-29T14:04:00.004-05:00

Being a single mother is a great challenge. Its one that I have shed a few tears over. Not being a mother, but making sure I am all that my sons need me to be and more. It is quite hard to juggle time with the boys together, time with the boys individually and of course try to get some "Mommy" time in. Not to mention, I am back in grad school and trying to make sure I stay on top of my studies.

Today, I received word that my 6 year old son is the "Kid with Character" for the month of January. Knowing all he has been through in just the past few months, saying I'm proud of him does not cut it so today I will say I am honored to be his mother.

Keep you the good work baby! Mommy loves you!

Tribute Song to Haiti

2010-01-28T09:16:00.004-05:00

This song is beautiful.

A line that really hits home to me is "Kiss my wife, tell my son, my work on earth is done."

Man, I can imagine Louis telling Jesus that.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKARlyqfa2Y

Helping Haiti

2010-01-19T10:44:00.002-05:00

Let's please remember to keep our Haitian family in prayer.

I have a lot of supplies that I will be shipping this week. The Haitian Embassy is requesting monetary donations because they are trying to figure out how to ship all the donated supplies they have received.

Some places you can donate are:

yele.org
haitioutreach.org
WorldVision.org/Haiti
unicefusa.org

Let's lend a helping hand to those in need.

Merry Christmas to All

2009-12-25T15:00:00.002-05:00

I wish you and your families a very Merry Christmas. I hope today that as you reflect on Christmas past, you smile through the tears and laugh through the pain. Today my wish for you all is peace in your heart and joy in your souls.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from my family to yours!

On this snowy day...

2009-12-19T15:17:00.003-05:00

The last time it snowed like this I was pregnant with Trey. We lived an an apartment and did not own a shovel. As we watched the snowfall and commented on how beautiful it was , our heat went out. Louis plugged up the space heater, grabbed the Scrabble Game and we sat in the dining room playing games and eating. He boiled water on the stove and filled up the bath tub so that I could take a bath. Then we got in bed to snuggle and watch t.v. He had to use a dust pan and the broom to dig out the car. I remember telliing him I can't wait to tell our baby about how Daddy had to a dust pan and broom to get the car out. Never knowing that he would not be with us to share the laughter and humor in this. It's days like this that gets to me the most. I went out to clear the driveway and sidewalk but its covered again. Noone to help me, noone to do it for me while I fix dinner. Really, the widow thing sucks soooo badly!

Holiday Arts and Crafts Party

2009-12-13T18:50:00.003-05:00

This weekend was such an awesome experience. It was nice to see the Carraque Kids happy and smiling as well as their Moms. We had a ball making ornaments and drawing pictures for Santa. It is such a nice reminder that even through our pain, we manage to smile and embrace each other with such warmth and compassion. I hope everyone has the Merriest Christmas and the Happiest New Year!

Holiday Celebration Arts and Crafts Party

2009-12-09T10:36:00.003-05:00

Join us as we celebrate this Christmas season and celebrate us too!

This meeting will be a little different from those in the past. This one will be held at a meeting room in the library and your children are highly encouraged to be a part of this. We will be making cards and ornaments and any other crafts you would like to do, so bring your ideas and creativity.

La Plata Library
2 Garrett Avenue
La Plata, MD 20646
301-934-9001

December 12, 2009 1:00 - 5:00 pm

For those attending, we ask that you bring a food/beverage item to make this celebration nice for all! Be sure to send an email to let me know you are attending, what you will be bringing and number of guests including children. We want to ensure we have enough for all to enjoy!

Happy Thanksgiving

2009-11-26T21:56:00.002-05:00

Hello everyone.

I hope that you and your family had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Hopefully you were able to smile and share memories of your departed loves and remembered that though they are no longer with you in the physical, they live forever in your hearts. God Bless you and yours.

Happy Anniversary

2009-11-10T10:13:00.003-05:00

Today Louis and I would be celebrating our 8th wedding anniversary. I just keep thinking about what I was doing at this moment or that moment before we said I do. It is hard to believe that I have to celebrate the love, joy and unbreakable bond that was made on that day without my best friend. There are no words that can detail how much I miss Louis. So though I have shed a few tears and sure I will continue to do so, I will also celebrate the relationship the we shared. I am thankful to God for bringing us together and though death separated us physically, nothing can ever break the bond that we share. Happy Anniversary Louis. I will love you until love is no more....

To my Sis

2009-10-05T08:55:00.003-04:00

Friend is not a word to be used lightly. A friend is someone that you can be you and never have to worry about judgment or criticism. This morning as I was driving to the office, I started thinking about all my friends and how each one of them impact my life in a different way, but all have a place in my heart. Then I started thinking about the word sister. A sister is someone who knows you sometimes better then you know yourself. Can put you in your place in and you not be offended or go on the defense. A sister loves you right, wrong or indifferent. I have a few sisters that I know that I could not have made it this far without their love and support. So to my Sis's and you know who you are, thank you for all the love, support and encouragement. You make a difference in my life and it is never taken for granted. I know I may not call as much as I should or text or email, but you are never ever far from my heart.

From my heart to yours,

Laneka

September 11, 2001

2009-09-11T09:56:00.001-04:00

To all of you who lost your spouse(s) on this day, I want to express to you my deepest sympathy and condolences. I know that your lives were forever changed on this day and know that heartbreak and pain suffered in this horrendous and cowardly act to innocent lives. My heart and prayers go out to you today and are with your forever. May you be able to smile today and find some peace and comfort in knowing that though you loved one is not with you physically, they will always be with you forever in hearts and spirits.

From my widow heart to yours,

Laneka

Back to School

2009-09-09T16:05:00.001-04:00

Hi everyone. I know its been a while since I have posted. I am finally all settled from the big birthday bash to getting ready for back to school. For all you parents out there, how did you handle the rush?

Widowed for 2 years

2009-07-09T07:59:00.002-04:00

Today, I have reached the two year mark since Louis passed. I doesn't seem like it has been that long, more like 2 days at times. I am up and getting the boys ready for school. Trying to figure out what to do with myself today. Work, not an option, not in the frame of mind. My heart is really heavy today. I have accomplished a lot in two year but one thing that has remained a constant is missing Louis. I know and am sure I will miss him for the rest of my life. Never knew that someone could have such a profound impact on my life. What a man! What a friend! What a father! He taught me a lot about myself and showed me what TRUE love feels like. Love that has never wavered or died. As I am watching my sons grow, they show a lot of characteristics of their father and I love it. He was a great role model his short time on earth, but I know his footprints left a profound and lasting effect on all of us. Louis, rest in peace my king...

Another Family Lost

2009-07-07T07:53:00.005-04:00

Yesterday I unfortunately had to attend the funeral of my 31 year old cousin Shadena. When my mother called, I just could not believe it. On June 15th, we buried another cousin's husband. It just seems like this time of year for some reason death is around me. I just continue to replay Louis' death all over again. When does it end????

Happy 4th!

2009-07-02T16:07:00.000-04:00

Want to wish you all a safe, blessed and Happy 4th of July!

Almost 2 years...

2009-07-01T08:39:00.003-04:00

I will be at the 2 year mark of Louis' death in 8 days and the meltdown has begun. June 29, 2007, Louis got up for work at 3:30 am. As usual, I woke up too, laughed and talked with him, kissed him goodbye and went back to bed you see that was my Friday was my day off. Once I got up and feed the boys, I called Louis to let him know that while cutting Lawrence's hair, I broke the clippers. He just laughed and said girl, I tell you. We said I love you and hung up. I went on with my day as normal. At 3:30 p.m. my cell phone rang and it was Louis calling according to my caller id. I answered the phone hey baby and the voice I heard was not Louis. It was his supervisor calling to tell me he passed out at work and was rushed to the hospital. Needless to say that was the last morning I woke up next to my husband, in our bed, in our home. That day was the last time, he walked down the hall to the boys bedroom to kiss them goodbye. Again, the meltdown has started...

Widows Smiling

2009-06-19T11:23:00.002-04:00

I want to say a very heart felt thank you to all my sistas who took the time out this weekend to celebrate my 35th birthday with me. That meant so much to me that words just could not express it.

As I looked at the pictures from my celebration, one stood out to me. There are 3 widows in this picture who are smiling. Widows smiling...what a beautiful picture. Though we are hurting and grieving, we took a moment to smile. Ladies look at these bright smiles...We are beautiful!

Memorial Day

2009-05-26T10:43:00.002-04:00

I woke up yesterday morning not with a heavy heart, but more with an aching heart. Louis and I enjoyed the all the holidays and always made plans to do something to be together and simply enjoy our family. I visited two cemetaries, the first one to visit my uncle, who my youngest son is named after and then to see Louis who of course, my oldest is named after. That kinda threw me for a loop. It was weird to see my sons names one the ground, but I know that they are named after two awesome men of honor and integrity.

I hope you all were able to enjoy your day and reflect and laugh and smile of the memories you shared with your loved ones that have departed this earth. Just know that I was thiking of you all. Much love from me to you!

Thanks...

2009-05-11T14:46:00.004-04:00

First of all I would like to wish all you mothers a Happy Belated Mother's Day. This weekend was very emotinally trying for me. On Saturday, the 9th, 22 months went by since Louis passed. I woke up and it just hit me in my stomach like a ton of bricks, all over again. I am so thankful for all the friends and family who called me, texted me and emailed me just to check on me. That really meant a lot to me. Of course, I have to say thank you to those two precious sons of mine who of gives me the inspiration and strength I need to get through to the next moment. Lastly to you Louis, I say thank you. For giving me the ability to celebrate being a Mommy, not just on yesterday, but everyday since the birth of those two beautiful boys. You will never know the impact on my heart hearing Mommy I love you. To all of you, simply put Thank You, from my heart to yours!

Widow Wisdom

2009-04-28T16:10:00.003-04:00

This weekend, I had the pleasure of having dinner with a person who has been widowed for 54 years. She lost her husband suddenly in 1955 and had a 5 year old son, 3 year old daughter and 9-month old daughter. She herself was only 25 years old. I know this woman very well, for she is my grandmother. When Louis first passed, I remember asking her Granny how did you do it? This is the hardest thing I have ever had to face in my life, but she told me, she made it because of God's grace and mercy. She said she never wanted any man to feel like he could come into her house and discipline her kids and she knows she had a good husband and no one else could compare. At 21 months out, I can totally relate to her and her feelings. The other widow who was having dinner with us, told her, we are trying to be like you Grandma and there is no statement further from the truth. You see for we feel when it comes to matters of the heart, you know what's real and what's true. When you have experienced true, unconditional, agape love there will never be another that could ever measure up to that. Not saying that you can't love somebody else, but the love that was shared with that deceased loved one can never be duplicated. Grandma said, I am not still grieving, but there is not a day that goes by that I do not think of Mutt. What a testament to real, true, undying love. So Granny, I say to you, what a woman and wife you are. You let those of us who are following in your footsteps know that we can feel how we feel and there is nothing wrong with that. I love you and applaud your courage, your love and your strength.

My Sons

2009-04-06T20:51:00.003-04:00

When I think about the past 20 months, I look back and say I don't know I managed, but I did, but then I think about my sons too and say, I don't know how they managed, but they did too. I think a lot of times, I get so wrapped up in my own emotional pain, I become a DGI to my sons. I think, oh they are okay, because they have each other and they are laughing and smiling, but tonight, I got a reminder they too are missing Louis. I thought my oldest was asleep and all of a sudden he walks into my bedroom and starts crying saying Mommy I miss my Daddy. I have failed to realize and remember at times though he is young, his heart broke just like mine did. So I say to myself and everyone else, don't forget that the kiddies are grieving just like we are just in a different way. To make him feel better, I gave him a picture to sleep with and we looked at pictures of Daddy holding him and his brother when they were babies. It my heart good to hear their laughter, see their smiles remembering Daddy.

Sharing My Story

2009-03-23T14:04:00.006-04:00

This weekend, I had the opportunity to share my journey of being a widow with people who are training to become hospice volunteers. I had no intention of doing this, I was in attendance only to offer support to my fellow widow sister who was invited to share her story. As I listened to Lynn tell her story and express her feelings, sorrows and lows, I just sat on the sideline, shaking my head in agreement to all that she was saying. After she finished sharing her story, I was asked by the hospice coordinator to share my story and tell about Carraque Widows. I really must say that it felt good to talk about my husband and all that we shared and explain as only I could all that I miss about my life as Mrs. Jackson and all that my two gorgeous sons are missing out on by having Louis taken" from us. At 20 months it has gotten a little easier to verbally share my story and journey, but my emotions are still the same - heartbroken and devastated. I don't see any of that as a negative thing, because this is REAL life for me. I hope that you all get to share your story and freely express your thoughts and feelings and know there is no wrong or right feeling - it's just real feeling.

Sisters in the Struggle

2009-03-16T14:10:00.004-04:00

This weekend, I had the pleasure to hang out with some other widows. Well these woman are not just "other widows," they have become my sisters. It was nice to laugh, share, cry, shop, eat and just hang out with people who for lack of a better word, GET IT! They understood me when I talked about my frustrations and my fears. They handed me a tissue when the tears begun to flow. They shared their frustrations, fears, moments of sorrow and moments of happiness with me. So to you I want to say thank you and I love you. You guys have been such a blessing to me. I only see us growing and blossoming from here. Always remember, I have your back and I am here for you. LOVE YA!!

Valentine's Day

2009-02-17T15:29:00.002-05:00

How did you spend your day? I spent my day with my beautiful sons, family from out of town and good girlfriends.

19 months ago

2009-02-09T10:13:00.000-05:00

19 months ago today, Louis left this earth. When I woke up this morning, and realized it was the 9th, my heart just begin to literaly ache. It's amazng to me that there are times that I think I am doing good and BAM, my heart takes me back to my unfortunate reality. I have a LOT of anger in me today and most of my anger is directed at Louis. I am not sure what or how to make this anger go away. I am fighting so hard not to become a bitter and angry person forever. What do we have to do to get over the anger?